You hear those four horrid words: “Let’s just be friends” and your world shatters as your lover or boyfriend withdraws himself from the relationship. You go along with it, thinking: “Being friends is better than not having him in my life at all, right?” Wrong! Recent amendments show that staying in contact with ex-lovers is detrimental not only to your own wellbeing, but to the friendship that could form if you allow yourself some time between the end of the relationship, and the slim prospect of you two reuniting.
Reasons for remaining friends are usually integrated into three categories, or “motives”. One: convenience and necessity (i.e. belonging to the same social circle as your ex), two: not wanting to lose the bond you once shared as lovers, and three: the hope of becoming romantically involved once more. Though these may seem like good reasons to stay involved, but a recent survey shows that friendships between platonic males and females will experience a higher eminence of overall support, both emotional and corporeal, than a friendship formed between ex-lovers.
Ex-lovers were less
Friends play a very important role in our lives, your friends can make or mar you depending on who they are. Here are some basic things you should consider before letting people become your friend. Remember you can be friendly to all but all must not be your friend.
People who share same positive values with you
Values are very important when it comes to choosing your friends. Learn to associate with people who share the same good values as yourself, this will help you reduce conflicts in your friendship. Selecting people who share the same values with you can only be possible if you are clear on your personal values. So it starts with you, get clear on your values.
People who will tell you the truth always
Stay close to people who are not afraid to tell you the truth about you, sometimes the truth may hurt but it’s better to be told. People who tell you the truth are more sincere and they want the best for you. Flattery is sweet but it is also
Friendship is the best relationship that a person should have to lead a more meaningful life in this world, next only to the Family system. An understanding spouse is the best friend in married life. When elders treat the juniors as friends, peace and happiness are sure to prevail. Many persons boast of a large network of friends, albeit their hollow and formal interactions. Some people think friendship is only for gaining something. Sorry, they have a selfish motive. Such friendships cannot long last and are bound to snap at any moment. People take it for granted, and they expect their friends’ help without any reciprocation. Generally, people make friends with persons of equal status, age and minds. Very rarely, people of unequal status become friends, but such relationship is short-lived.
Quality and Quantity of Friendship determine the level of success and happiness in our life. Quantity refers to the number of friends one has, and the Quality represents the support and contribution made by those friends. The mental and physical capabilities of a person determine the
It’s that time of year again. Time to make a list of the things you’d like to achieve this year, things to make you a better person in body and spirit. But, if you’re struggling to come up with your own resolutions, why not make this the year that you become a better friend? Forget the workouts and diets, it’s time to get in tip-top shape as a mate. If you’re the type of person who always calls days after your friend’s birthday or forget to buy a gift until the last-minute try following these five simple steps to become a more organised and valued person.
STEP 1: First you have to ‘remember the date’. That’s right. No more receiving a last-minute Facebook message saying that it’s your friend’s birthday TODAY. Or, even worse, finding out when they mention it weeks after the fact. Try getting a bit of structure back in your life with some of the amazing organisation and reminder apps currently on the market. Evernote, Awesome Note & Timeful are just some of the hundreds of apps that you can use to set up reminders and alerts.
So, call up all of your
All people go through something, some more traumatic and devastating than others. Some people rebound quickly, some mask their emotions and pain, others more expressive as their recovery takes longer, and often many languish in a bad depressive place if they feel stuck. If the latter, convince the person to seek medical help. For the others, be patient, understanding and supportive. Often being in a place of pain is a period of personal growth or spiritual discovery. The person will get where they need to be and may just need time and space to work it through their system.
True friends, however, sincerely want to help in these type of moments because no one wants to see their friend hurt and in pain. But often they either don’t know how to help, what to say or don’t have the time, patience and mental capacity to be supportive in an effective and constructive manner. The best recourse at that point is to express how you CAN be there for the person while steering clear of these five friendship mistakes:
1) Be judgmental. Your friend didn’t see it coming or chose to ignore it, but in this moment,
I suppose most of us think that we have lots of friends in our life, from childhood to school, at work, in clubs, among to neighbors and all. And in these modern times, we can gauge how friends we have by way of Facebook. But what distinguishes real friends from mere acquaintances or just some people you happen to know?
When asked,”Do you know Tony?” There is a big difference between “Yes, I know him” and “Yes, he’s my friend.”
There are guides to this thing called “choosing your friend process” since the old days. They are applicable now as they were back then. And it’s interesting to re-learn them again because since the days of our forefathers, we still haven’t learned.
What will be our measure? Perhaps time? Perhaps comfort? Perhaps security? There are lots of standards. But to summarize some of the old teachings, here are a few guides you may want to ponder upon.
Some friends are there only because it suits them. As long as you are of use, you are a friend. These are mostly higher than you. In some cases, they are the bosses, business partners, and rich
Many people are well aware that friendship is a good thing, but what they do not know is how it can have a positive impact on their quality of life and happiness. Good friends provide relief, joy, and comfort, prevent isolation and loneliness, and even strengthen your health. Close friendships do not happen despite their importance. So, here are a few tips to convert a friendship into a close friendship.
Focus on others
Rather than focusing on yourself, try focusing on the others for a change. If you tend to be shy and introverted, it can be uncomfortable to put yourself out there on the social scene. You, however, do not have to be the life of the party in order to make new friends. You can simply put in extra efforts to be a little more outgoing and friendly to others while maintaining your own personality. Showing interest in others is an art that cannot be faked. If you are simply pretending to care for or listen to others, others will automatically come to know. No one likes being placated or manipulated. Stop trying to connect in case you are not genuinely interested in doing
Personal growth is a normal part of life. We become aware of areas in our own lives that need improvement. We also start noticing behaviors in others that are not in line with our own growth. People grow at their own pace. Don’t try to force your own goals on someone else. At the same time, being in around people who do not have similar goals can stunt your own growth. Sometimes, loving someone from a distance is the best thing you can do for yourself and the other person. Here are some examples.
4 Types Of Relationships To Distance Yourself From
1. They always need something.
Relationships should add value to your life, not drain you. If you have a friend that always needs something, back away slowly. They need to borrow money. They need a ride somewhere. They need you to do them a favor. They need you to babysit. The whole relationship is about what you can do for them. They have not added much of anything to your life. We all need each other but when you find that this person can’t function without needing help from someone, it’s time to
While some people often refer to numerous people as their friends, the reality is often that the vast majority of these, are merely acquaintances, contacts, or some other form of friendly relationship. Being a true friend necessitates discipline, commitment, often-hard work, and consistently being dependable, reliable and there for others, rather than merely being friendly when it serves your inner purpose, needs or desires. It would be helpful to most, if they could differentiate between those that truly were their FRIEND, as opposed to those who simply, either said they were, or behaved a certain way when it served some agenda or gave them an advantage. Therefore, let’s examine this concept, from an easy to remember, mnemonic perspective.
1. Face facts; do a real favor: True friends do not merely tell you what they think you want to hear, but rather state what they deeply feel you need to know, and/ or be advised of! It rarely serves anyone’s long-term advantage to go through life in a delusional manner, but rather it is important to adapt and become better, so you can face the real facts, and do so in a continuously evolving and improving way! It
You know you have a true friendship when she stays sincere, leads a helping hand and listens to your woes. What key factor keeps true friendships blossoming? In order to learn more, read on.
- When you are feeling down, she cheers you up by taking you on a trip to a distant shopping center. While in the center, she encourages you to buy small things for yourself so that you feel good about yourself once again.
- She gives you company to the doctor’s office. You don’t know the exact directions and in a foreign land, it can be tricky. So she shoulders the responsibility to show you the way the first time so that the next time you can go all by yourself.
- She comes to assistance when you are throwing a small party. You have never given a party before. You are unsure of the menus to cook. She helps you with the choices and also the techniques of cooking them.
- She reminds you of the formalities of staying in a foreign country for instance, renewing of visa, if you are overseas.
VALUING people is the most palpable relationship currency; it is otherwise known as friendship. Here are just a few things to reflect over when it comes to friendship – something we have the privilege to offer and the blessing to receive.
1. A friend is someone who accepts how we see justice. This doesn’t mean friends always understand how we see justice, they just accept the way we see things, without needing to convince us otherwise or change us. They have empathy. They know that support is couched in respecting our ability to know right from wrong. (Not many mature adults, given cause for reflection, don’t know right from wrong; a friends trusts that we will work it out without needing to be told.)
2. Good friends, therefore, are dignifying. They will pray how to respectfully challenge us on issues we are struggling with. Grace has the upper hand over truth, and, this is appropriate, given that friendship is a special relationship. When trust is implicit, it is remarkable how much licence friends give us to speak truth into their lives. It’s because we know how to love them whilst also being honest.
We all like to project a nice, positive image to ourselves and to the world: to our friends, partners, and others. Some of us will take all necessary measures to impress others, “show” them how smart we are, how loving, attentive, caring. Many of us do so not because this is the way we actually are, but as a manipulative way – to get love and appreciation from others; to be adored and admired. Unfortunately, having behaved this way for years on years, we have become unaware to the awful truth – that we are not the way we present ourselves to be; that we are not so honest, authentic and caring for others’ well-being, but rather mask ourselves with this image of the caring, the loving, the attentive. The reverse, then, is the true situation: we do whatever we can to attract the love of others; to persuade them to regard us in as much a positive light as we can. We operate from a bottomless need for love, for appreciation, for attention, for praise.
When we behave this way, we think our friends, partners and others “fall” for our good-heartedly behavior; we convince ourselves that
Our friendship developed about the same time our bodies started to blossom. Now, 40 years later, having taken its toll on us – we realized time was not our friend.
Longstanding friends understand you like no other. They help you grasp your swords of life. The bond is nurturing, cathartic, a lifetime of flowing memories. So not having seen her lately, I’ve been a bundle of lecherous nerves, bloated with high hopes to see her again. I need her to keep me sanely in sync. I want to sing the Stylistic’s song “You Make Me Feel Brand New” when I see her.
Like any trust-worthy, dependable friend, she always refreshed my inner Zen, refilled my empty coffee mug and balanced my unevenness. I anticipated and trusted that her visits would make me feel so right when I felt so disfigured.
Sprouting our way through adolescence, my momma and Aunt Flo warned me “Friends can be needy, burdensome, and onerous. There’d be friends like this,” my momma said. Sure, we had our share of love-hate brawl sessions. She occasionally pained me, disrupted plans, and made me miserable, but I always had to be the bigger person
Birds of a feather do indeed flock together. If you spend a lot of time with someone, eventually their habits will rub off on you. Make sure the habits are good ones. Are you surrounded by motivated, positive people? Are you the most successful person in your circle? It is common for people to become complacent with where they are or just accept their current circumstances. It is also common for people to want more out of life but know that their circle of friends are holding her back. What does your role in friendships say about you?
The Ring Leader
You’re the leader of the group. Everyone comes to you for advice. You’re probably the most successful person in the group. Your whole group of friends cheer you on but they don’t have much going on for themselves. Does this make you feel good about yourself? Feeding your ego is fine but having a large ego doesn’t do much for personal growth. In order to reach your true potential, you should want to grow, which means you may out grow your circle. Growing pains are normal but need humility so that you can take in
In a big city where you know nobody, it is difficult to find a place of your own. A place which will be home away from home and will offer you the comfortable corner. Being in Kolkata for almost three years, I still felt like a stranger. Among all the acquaintances, the count of friends is always a small number. So the journey of survival is in most parts a lonely one.
During the time I studied in the university, I lived in a hostel just across the road which belonged to a government aided institution meant for poor children named after a prominent social worker. It had a school within its premises, a hostel for the students who studied there and a dormitory for few college students. The rent and the meal charges were modest and so was the living. The dormitory was shared by six girls along with the caretaker who was almost deaf so didn’t occur as an obstacle in the path of parties, celebrations and events which entitled us to scream at the top of our voices. There was a huge study hall and a dining space, both in want of repairs and
I don’t remember when they first popped up in my life, but I suspect I was about four years old. My memories before kindergarten are few. The family living room was the first room you entered as you came in the front door. We lived in a two family house on the first floor, with my grandparents on the second floor. They actually owned the home which was located on a busy avenue in a small New Jersey city.
My imaginary friends lived in the wall behind the front door. I would knock on the wall and press my face up against it trying to look through the painted sheet rock to catch a glimpse of their world. I guess I created Cooney, Chetty and Susan because I wanted someone to play with. I was so ahead of my time creating a virtual play date.
Usually when asked if they wanted to play, Susan was most times the only one who could, because Chetty and Susan were always going to Florida and leaving Susan home. I felt bad for her. We would dance for hours in the living room, doing fabulous stunts off of the hassock
We all need friends that we can talk to, someone who we can vent our hardships in life. Or we just might want a friend who we can have fun with. Finding the right friend who can meet your expectations can be challenging. You want a friend who you share the same values a friend who can encourage you, congratulate you after accomplishing something, respects you and also a friend who does not take advantage of you.
By choosing the right friends you will avoid disappointments, stress or even depression.
You should look for a friend who has your best interest in their hearts. There can be such people who look like they care about your life but in reality they are just interested in getting something from you for their own selfish gain and they will do anything without caring about you, even if you are friendly to them.
Before you know how to choose your friends you need to “study everyone” know their weakness and strength, try to understand them. This will give you an understanding in choosing your friends and also becoming a leader.
The Following Are Steps That I use
You come into this world alone and leave alone. While you are here you meet a lot of people, they come and go; some stay till the end. But when the end does come even those who were around the longest have to stay back because it is your journey to embark upon. So in this scenario of constant change, a lifetime of being in a flux, what is it that has remained constant? You.
You are the most important person you will ever come across. Simply because you spend the most time with yourself and there is never an escape from being you. This doesn’t mean that you are the most and only important person in your life and you should put yourself before everything and everyone. But when the day ends and the dust settles, you are your own home.
Therefore, it becomes very essential for you to understand and familiarise yourself with who you really are and what you really want. Before we discuss why that is important let’s quickly look at what were to happen if you didn’t know yourself as well as you should.
You are a quiet person but
Have you ever thought of the title question? Do you have any straight forward answers? I suggest that you read on for insights.
I had always thought and believed that friendship with a guy for a few years will lead to love and relationship. While I really was on that path, I was jolted out of the blues when the guy I was closely bonded with answered that he still considered me to be a friend and couldn’t think otherwise. He was the first guy I really liked and was starting to fall for him. I was dismayed with his response but respected his wishes, and in order to console myself, I sang the Titanic song over and over again, putting special emphasis on the line: “My heart will go on and on.”
Arranged marriages are rampant in our country and they do not always break, but rather stick. On the other hand divorce rates in our country have increased ten fold in the new era compared to the old times, even with marriages that initiated with love affairs.
So you see there is no easy solution to my question. But on the other hand
f one was to get in touch with someone they know it could be because they need something. However, it doesn’t mean that this will always be the case, as there could be times when they don’t need anything.
During these moments, one may want to find out about what they have been doing, and this will show that they are interested in their life. It is then not going to matter if someone is doing something significant, as they will want to stay up to date.
What this can then show is that one is happy to put their life to one side and to focus on someone else’s life. Through doing this, it will cause them to spend less time on their own life.
It’s Worth It
However, even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that this will end up having a negative effect. The reason for this is that the effort one puts into another person’s life can end up making their life even more fulfilling.
So while one will lose time and energy through doing this, it can also enable them to have people in